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Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Keep holding on


One of the most frustrating things about my depression (or MDD* ^) is my inability to fix it. Its not like my drinking ie drinking makes my life unpleasant, ergo if I don't drink then the unpleasantness caused by drinking goes away. I've mentioned this frustration before. I've read about my condition, I've tried yoga, relaxation, medication, homeopathy, naturopathy, psychology, psychiatry... just about everything I can do (except regular exercise - i can't manage anything regularly!).

I'm pretty exhausted to be honest. Trying to be 'normal' while looking through grey-coloured glasses puts me way behind the eight ball when it comes to dealing with all the other things in my life. And the thought of having to keep doing it for the rest of my life makes me feel desolate. So cross your fingers for me. I'm hoping that my new prescription of an SNRI will help.

My husband and my kids are what keep me trying. If not for them I'd be in a cupboard with a cask of wine right now. Instead I spent a blissful 10 minutes with the four of us dancing and singing to Glee. Those 10 minutes were worth trying for.

(from http://evenwhenyouresad.com/?p=19 - and here)



* I get the feeling sometimes that one can't truly be sick without an acronym or a wikipedia reference - this has both!
^ I'm a Canberran and public servant - I don't feel comfortable with a concept until it has an acronym!

11 comments:

Bec said...

I really hope that the new meds are somewhat more helpful in the coming days/weeks. While you can't 'fix' it as you'd like to I think it's a testament to your strength and courage that you do keep trying and that you aren't in that cupboard with the cask.
Keep on holding on ;-)

Olivia said...

I too hope the new drug helps. And I hope you find more of those Glee moments, whatever form they take.

Michelle said...

Fingers crossed over here that the new meds work. A friend started taking them some years ago and she was a firm believer - they really worked for her. Hope you'll be in the same boat.

As for dancing to Glee, I find dancing to rollicking sea shanties (a la Great Big Sea) has a similar affect. Also singing along at the tops of your lungs to the first song on Glee Volume 1. ;-) Works every time.

knitting sprouts said...

ah crap - I really do hope it will go away. I hope the new drugs are good for you. a big hug from over here.

Miss Dot said...

oh I love that one about the chicken of depression! don't forget the Falcon of f^%k up! :-) he roosts at my house regularly.You hang in there sweets. Singing/dancing and just generally being stupid to loud music is a great idea.

bellsknits.com said...

i hear you. I love and live with someone who you are describing, although his meds are and have been working for him for some time, but it still hits and it's still fucking awful. So you have my sympathy - and I love the need to acronymisation! he he

bellsknits.com said...

obviously that should have said 'for aconymisation'.

Kel said...

*hugs* I hope the meds work for you. I think the thing I struggled with the most was the lack of light at the end of the tunnel. I applaud your strength, really I do. When it's difficult to muster the will to get out of bed in the morning, look at what you're accomplishing! :)

Emma said...

Sorry I'm late to comment...

I hope the new meds help. I shall keep my fingers crossed for you, that the exhaustion and grey lifts and , as Olivia said, the Glee moments become more frequent.

Veronica said...

I have anxiety issues and it frustrates me no end when I can't just snap my fingers and make myself better. I feel you. I hope your meds work and soon.

Jae said...

Severe or major depression is what landed me, twice, in the hospital last year. it's when i came to realize i was an alcoholic as well. i'd been self-medicating for years. having been there, and spent the last year climbing back up out of the abyss, my heart hurts for you. prayers and good thoughts coming your way from me. hang on. you can do it!