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Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Livin' the dream

I'm livin' the dream people. That is, if you dream is to be kept perpetually sleepless and has lots of screaming and whinging and snot in it.... Attend:


Scene 1.
1am.
A couple lay asleep.
Footsteps.
A whisper.
"Mummy, can I get in bed with you?"
"wha mumby grunt" (trans: "whatever." )
Sleep.

Scene 2.
2am.
Couple are squeezed into a space approximately 50cm wide.
Small child is spreadeagle on remaining part of the bed.
Mummy is in the middle.
Mummy is not happy.
Mummy can't move or breathe.
"moof farken ooout!" (trans: Husband, can you please go and sleep in small child's room.)
Shoving.
Footsteps.
Sleep.

Scene 3
3am
"Mummy, i need to do a wee"
"orf an weeing" (trans: off you go then lovey)
Sleep

Scene 4
3.05am
Light on in ensuite.
Small child absent from bed.
"waddayadoin?"
"Nothing"
Suspicion rises, but is beaten by sleep.

Scene 5
3.30am
Light on in ensuite.
Small child still absent from bed.
Mummy sits upright.
"Are you alright?"
"Yes, Mummy"
Mummy lays back down.
"Ok then, well come to bed."
"OK Mummy. I'll just pack up"
Mummy sits up.
"Pack up what..."
Mummy out of bed.
Mummy has a quick glance at the clock and realises time. And that child has been up for 30 mins.
Small child sitting on the ensuite floor pretending small water balloons are at school.
Mummy loses it.
"whart farking Arghing blubbing! 3.30 in the morning!!! Jebbing bubling pfiffing!! Get. To. Bed."
Tossing. Turning. Whinging. Tears. Snot. Tissues. Boggie men. For one and a half hours.

5am
Finally sleep.

5 comments:

Bec said...

You have my sympathies although the re-telling did give me a fit of the giggles!!
Hoping you get a decent nights sleep soon twitchy!

Bianca said...

Um I know I should leave a more sympathetic comment, but that was farken funny lady!

The Smurf has to make a bizillion requests at the bedside before I wake up. Sometimes Mr S+L will tell me he went into his room 3 times over night and for all I know he could have gone to the corner shop three times while I snore my head off.

Hope you get more sleep tonight though.

knitting sprouts said...

snort! don't you love being a parent at times!

Kuka said...

teehee
i love your stories about your kids! =)
xo

RubyTwoShoes said...

oh, so much to look forward to!
at least you can sleep in between these episodes, the way I desperately chase after sleep at these kind of times just sends it racing off in the opposite direction...