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Saturday, January 23, 2010

Clearing

This evening I've been working on an analogy. Creating analogies is a pastime of mine. Poor Nath often walks in from another room only to have me pounce on him (not in a good way) and say "You know, [insert current bugbear] is like [insert witty analogy, although more often a long and rambling mixture of words and emotions], don't you think?" He always agrees, but I think its more fear and a desire to get away... Anyhoo. Tonight I will share my analogy with you all. Because you need to hear more about MDD. So it goes like this...

You're at the top of a mountain. Its taken you every ounce of energy you have to get to the top of the mountain. There are other people there with you and you are all looking out at the most breathtakingly beautiful view imaginable. Everyone else seems to be enjoying the experience. They think you are too because you're saying all the right things and smiling. You know its beautiful. And you've struggled to get up there (you tripped over a branch root and landed on your arse. You sat and cried until some others helped you up). You know you're amazingly lucky to be seeing it. But. The wind is so loud and so strong that it seems to be filling your head. And its cold. And its overcast. So while you can appreciate that the view is great, there is so much else going on that you can't really see it.

Then you take some lovely [prescription] drugs.*


And the wind dies down, the sun comes out a little and it begins to warm up. You can see more detail in the view below, and the people around you. You begin to hear the birds and noises of nature. You can think and feel again. You can take in the whole picture and see what everyone else has been seeing. On the way back down the mountain you trip over a rock - and its no big deal. Just a little stumble. You get up, brush yourself off and keep going. Perhaps whistling Glee tunes as you go...

So that's where I am now. Its only day three, I don't want to get my hopes up too much, but the view is definitely better!




* Lets not go into the pros and cons of meds. Or the withdrawal from one med, the anguish of the days post withdrawal, or the blinding headaches and insomnia that accompany the new ones.

8 comments:

Lou said...

I've just discovered your blog and it feels like I am reading about myself.Hang in there and be brave.Everything will work out because you know what you have to do to get yourself on top of things again.After going through a long period of denial(all of my 30's)I haven't touched a drink in three years and don't anticipate to ever having one again.But I can honestly say I couldn't have done it without antidepressants (and the love of my family).

Lou said...

P.S.I love your analogy.It paints the experience of depression so well.

bellsknits.com said...

that's an astoundingly good analogy. It's JUST like that! Welcome back. xo

Bianca said...

Hey you, so happy to hear you're stepping into the clearing. I hope the clearing keeps becoming clearer for you. xxx

Bec said...

I'm so glad to hear that the meds are having a positive impact and I love the analogy. I think they make it so much easier for others to understand a position. I'm so happy for you that the mountain view is improving ;-)

Taphophile said...

the meds are helping now and that's a good thing

RubyTwoShoes said...

I just clicked thru to your blog for the first time, so I had to follow the MMD link to know what you were talking about! You have a refreshing and honest voice.
I don't have MMD myself - anxiety and neurosis, sure, who doesn't in these modern manic times?! - so I cant appreciate the analogy from that perspective, but I simply must say, in the interest of analogy perfection, that from my non-MMD perspective: climbing mountains really fucking sucks, no matter how good the view is, I really couldn't give a shit given I just burst a lung to get there.
I just thought you might like to know that some of those 'other' people up on the mountain don't all love the view either!

Kel said...

The first part of your analogy almost bought me to tears, though not for the reason you might think. Whilst I don't like thinking about when I used to feel that way, it hurts to hear that anyone else has felt that way.

I know you don't want to get your hopes up, so I'll get my hopes up for you. :)