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Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Happy 'Strailya Day!

A bit of 'cultcha' for you.. From Banjo Paterson

Weary Will

The strongest creature for his size
But least equipped for combat
That dwells beneath Australian skies
Is Weary Will the Wombat.

He digs his homestead underground,
He's neither shrewd nor clever;
For kangaroos can leap and bound
But wombats dig forever.

The boundary rider's netting fence
Excites his irritation;
It is to his untutored sense
His pet abomination.

And when to pass it he desires,
Upon his task he'll centre
And dig a hole beneath the wires
Through which the dingoes enter.

And when to block the hole they strain
With logs and stones and rubble,
Bill Wombat digs it out again
Without the slightest trouble.

The boundary rider bows to fate,
Admits he's made a blunder
And rigs a little swinging gate
To let Bill Wombat under

So most contentedly he goes
Between his haunt and burrow:
He does the only thing he knows,
And does it very thorough.

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Clearing

This evening I've been working on an analogy. Creating analogies is a pastime of mine. Poor Nath often walks in from another room only to have me pounce on him (not in a good way) and say "You know, [insert current bugbear] is like [insert witty analogy, although more often a long and rambling mixture of words and emotions], don't you think?" He always agrees, but I think its more fear and a desire to get away... Anyhoo. Tonight I will share my analogy with you all. Because you need to hear more about MDD. So it goes like this...

You're at the top of a mountain. Its taken you every ounce of energy you have to get to the top of the mountain. There are other people there with you and you are all looking out at the most breathtakingly beautiful view imaginable. Everyone else seems to be enjoying the experience. They think you are too because you're saying all the right things and smiling. You know its beautiful. And you've struggled to get up there (you tripped over a branch root and landed on your arse. You sat and cried until some others helped you up). You know you're amazingly lucky to be seeing it. But. The wind is so loud and so strong that it seems to be filling your head. And its cold. And its overcast. So while you can appreciate that the view is great, there is so much else going on that you can't really see it.

Then you take some lovely [prescription] drugs.*


And the wind dies down, the sun comes out a little and it begins to warm up. You can see more detail in the view below, and the people around you. You begin to hear the birds and noises of nature. You can think and feel again. You can take in the whole picture and see what everyone else has been seeing. On the way back down the mountain you trip over a rock - and its no big deal. Just a little stumble. You get up, brush yourself off and keep going. Perhaps whistling Glee tunes as you go...

So that's where I am now. Its only day three, I don't want to get my hopes up too much, but the view is definitely better!




* Lets not go into the pros and cons of meds. Or the withdrawal from one med, the anguish of the days post withdrawal, or the blinding headaches and insomnia that accompany the new ones.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

You guys rock!


Image from here.

Thanks for all that good vibes and mojo and such.
I really, really appreciated it.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Keep holding on


One of the most frustrating things about my depression (or MDD* ^) is my inability to fix it. Its not like my drinking ie drinking makes my life unpleasant, ergo if I don't drink then the unpleasantness caused by drinking goes away. I've mentioned this frustration before. I've read about my condition, I've tried yoga, relaxation, medication, homeopathy, naturopathy, psychology, psychiatry... just about everything I can do (except regular exercise - i can't manage anything regularly!).

I'm pretty exhausted to be honest. Trying to be 'normal' while looking through grey-coloured glasses puts me way behind the eight ball when it comes to dealing with all the other things in my life. And the thought of having to keep doing it for the rest of my life makes me feel desolate. So cross your fingers for me. I'm hoping that my new prescription of an SNRI will help.

My husband and my kids are what keep me trying. If not for them I'd be in a cupboard with a cask of wine right now. Instead I spent a blissful 10 minutes with the four of us dancing and singing to Glee. Those 10 minutes were worth trying for.

(from http://evenwhenyouresad.com/?p=19 - and here)



* I get the feeling sometimes that one can't truly be sick without an acronym or a wikipedia reference - this has both!
^ I'm a Canberran and public servant - I don't feel comfortable with a concept until it has an acronym!

Monday, January 18, 2010

Work

Being back at work sucks. That is all.

Friday, January 15, 2010

I'm rich!

I'm the 44,662,751 richest person on earth!


Discover how rich you are! >>


Are you? For 10 years I've sponsored World Vision kids* based on the premise that its such small change for me for big change somewhere else (man I sound like an ad). This puts it in perspective....


* We've sponsored three Brazilian youngsters and one was called Michael Jackson - I kid you not. And not too long ago we were told that Michael no longer needed our assistance. Around the same time as Michael Jackson, singer died. Coincidence? I think not...

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Twitchy?

Have you ever checked out your stat counter? Ever looked at the google search terms that lead people to your blog? I've done it a couple of times (blogged here) and have always felt sorry for the poor folk who went looking for some information on how to control errant twitchy fingers and got stuck with my ravings... Here are some recent searches...
  • twitchy (fingers, causes of etc)
  • twitchy stitch logos
  • twichety fingers (only three hits come up when you search that!!! And I'm one of them!! Don't know why that excites me... )
  • sans clothes (referred to an image I had of some old-style barbies)
  • Knitting in literature
  • Mother's Day bags
  • Twitchy number 1
  • Knitty Topaz
  • this is as good as it gets
Also still get the odd hit from the old Front Debacle of 08 on Riot Act.

I don't have any pictures to accompany this post so I'll add this one of some FO's from last year. (And because I promised images of FO's last post and didn't deliver. Cos that's what I do - promise and fail to come through. Cos I can. Cos its my blog.)

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Um.

I know it's traditional for us craft bloggers to do a bit of a round up of what we did in the past year. And believe me, I want to. But it seems I did very little this year. Not to say that that is a bad thing (I'm battling the 'pathological critic' here) but given that I went to Brown Owls 9 times I probably should have at least 9 partially completed things... I do have some things and they are below. Most of them were never blogged properly anyway. But sheez. I'm seeing a pattern here people. Let me illustrate:


So. A very blunt tool - but more drinking and depression = less blogging and crafting. What do you think my new years resolution should be???

Thursday, December 31, 2009

Happy Birthday!

Paterson's birthday is December 31. I will forever be sorry to him for being unable to cross my legs for another week so that he didn't get such a sucky birth date. In years to come he may be grateful, but for the next 15 years or so he's not really going to be able to have a decent celebration. Every one is away, or going to NYE parties so he gets forgotten. Next year we're going to have a party for him on 31 November instead - everyone is still around and not so absorbed in Christmas. We did have a lovely night at a friend's place on NYE and had a cake for him so it wasn't so bad, but I do feel awful for not going the whole hog for him.

Anyhoo, whingeing aside, Paddy is turning 2. Hence the cake. I made that. I was pretty impressed, except that the marzipan duck in the marzipan pond is freakishly large compared to the vehicles on the road. Not Godzilla large. But half the size of a car large.

Paterson is obsessed with cars and airplanes and trains at the moment. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised - him being a boy and all - but its soooo stereotypically male. And Lily was the same with dolls I guess. She's always had a fair mix of 'boys' and 'girls' toys but gravitated toward the girls toys. We already noticed a difference in the way different gender kids play when we saw Lily and her cousin Marcus playing with dinosaurs. Marcus was making his dino's eat each other. Lily had hers in a school or a hospital or something. Same toy - different play.


Back to Paddy though; he's all man. Loves mechanical things, hitting things with a stick and jumping on the 'leen' while I sing 'get ready to wiggle'. Loves the Wiggles and Thomas. Loves his books. Loves emptying the pencil tin then sitting in it. He has an ever expanding vocabulary, but favourites include: No, Mine, ily (for Lily), Wiggool and 'leen'. He's the most precious little man and I'm blessed to have him for a son.

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Merry whatever...


We had quite a lovely Christmas Day, despite having Old Nana taken to hospital with pneumonia and our family 'drunkle' (that's a drunken uncle) having a go at us for turning in at 10pm. So after a very non-christian-or-christmas outburst at my drunkle this morning * we departed to Nowra to have a second Christmas day with Nath's family. The kids had a lovely day - a quality present which delighted Lily and lots of cars for Paddy which kept him enthralled for hours. Lil also got an Astroboy toy from my sister which was a huge hit. Those of you who've been around for a while may remember Lil's desire for an Astroboy during the "Front" knitting incident last year. Its cause a few sharing issues but they've generally been delightful.



*After he bought my mother to tears I said to him 'Nice to know that it not just your own family's Christmas' that you f*** up, and that you don't mind f***ing ours up either'. I then dramatically closed the door and the curtains so he couldn't respond. Not very mature. And I'm not 100% proud of it. But I'm sick of letting people do/say awful things and get away with it. As the other resident drunk (currently on the wagon) I was the only one that could say it and get away with it.

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Yarn bombing!


We were driving through O'Connor this evening and my ever vigilant husband spotted some yarn bombing! He immediately lept from the car (I slowed down slightly) so he could get a couple of snaps. It was at the roundabout at Scrivener and Brigalow Sts and at each of the four give way signs. Anyone know who's responsible? Kudos.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Pearl

Guess what Lily's getting for Christmas? Her very own Pearl Barley, made by the supremely talented Michelle at Poppy Bean and Bloss! I'm sooo jealous.

Friday, December 11, 2009

Black dogs and blerg....

Still yucky - but have prescription drugs now! Not much to say, given my day was primarily conducted from under the covers... except that I have the most wonderful husband who on his day off looked after the kids so I could recuperate and even took Lily with him to his Christmas lunch so I could sleep while Paddy was sleeping. You rock Nath. Night night folks.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Blogging the black dog from bed...

Not feeling crash hot tonight so I'm going to have an early one. Just in bed now, going to check a few blogs, the tune out with some meditations. Hopefully i will have kicked this sore throat by tomorrow. But I did have a good day none the less! Work Christmas lunch then the kids childcare Christmas party. Yet again Lily was too scared to go anywhere near Santa, and Paddy wsn't really down with the whole experience either. Anyhoo. I'll write more tomorrow.

Wednesday, December 09, 2009

Belting the black dog - day 3

Firstly I just wanted to thanks everyone who has commented or sent me good vibes in the last two days - I'm feeling the love! And thanks to the anonymous commenter who suggested a meditation - I got some by that bloke today and I think it will be enormously helpful.

When I went to my doctor on Monday to get some help she was really great and suggested that I might need a professional review of my medication and tried to get me in to a shrink. Using her influence she got me an appointment. In April 2010. Just as well I wasn't too close to the edge. Then I rang my psychologist. February 2010. Thankfully I got a cancellation appointment today which was exactly what i needed. She's wonderful. I'm pretty good at playing my depression down, and she called me on it. We talked through some stuff. Had a good laugh. And I left knowing that I had some tools to be able to belt the black dog with.

Then in the afternoon I took the kids to the Wiggles. It was my our first Wiggles experience and I loved it. These are individuals who must really love what they do and seem to have a really good time up there. Paddy was mesmerised - didn't dance or clap or sing - just stared. And Lil shouted and danced and sung and waved and had a great time. We did notice that Dorothy the Dinosaur and Wags the dog had apparently acquired eating disorders as their costumes looked very sleek in comparison to the old dvds we'd seen. But it was great.

And tonight we were out for my MILs birthday and one of those clubs that have children's play areas built in. Designed to keep kids entertained, but I always spend more time supervising other people's children in there so they're not injuring my kids.

And now I'm home. Kids are asleep. Husband is in bed and I'm keeping up a promise to myself to do something for me. Not a bad day at all! As Bec said today sometimes you need to reflect on the positives rather than the negatives of a day. Its working for me too Bec!

See youz tomorrow!

Tuesday, December 08, 2009

Blogging to beat the black dog - day 2


Last year I wrote this post about personal commandments to help me through the day. I notice that things haven't really changed since then... anyhoo. I thought I might revise those commandments.

  1. Stop it!
  2. Nothing will change, if I don’t do anything different
  3. Meditate
  4. I can do anything for five minutes
  5. Get outside
  6. Don't wait to 'feel like it'
  7. CHOOSE to be positive
  8. Be grateful
So I've lost a couple of commandments and got some different ones. I'll let you know next year how this one goes!

Catching up on some long-ago finished items too - here's a little t-shirt I made for my besties daughter a couple of months ago. I wasn't sure how it would stand up to washing, but it went well and was still going strong when we caught up in Adelaide last month.

Monday, December 07, 2009

Stop it!



So I've been a little low recently, and another lovely blogger brought to my attention the fact that it might have something to do with a lack of sharing. I've had a bit of a love-disklike relationship with blogging, but ultimately I think it provides me with a focus or a filter that I don't get with anything else. I can condense a day into a couple of lines. A shitty day at work is written down as 'tough day' and like that it becomes not a day of frustration or anger or defeated self-esteem but two little words. I just let it go - unconsciously. So on this steep, dark decline into depression, I've stopped blogging. And I think its made it worse. So I say 'stop the rot'. Or just 'stop it!' as the video says. I'm going to blog for 14 days straight people. Blogging to stop the rot. or Blog the black dog. or Beating the big black dog with a blogging stick. Any other naming ideas?

P.S I'm also going to try a guided meditation each day too - any suggestions?

Wednesday, October 07, 2009

Before and after

Before
On my honeymoon in Vietnam I bought a ring which I *LOVED* but Nath didn't. So I gave it to my sister and have since spent seven long years coveting it.

After
My sister just came back from Vietnam and bought me the same ring - from the same shop! I feel complete! And we have twin rings which is a nice, sistery thing.

Before

My sister also bought back a lovely ao dai for Lily. She wore it to Brown Owls the other day...

After

It rained at Brown Owls. (Luckily they came up as good as new)

Before
Before today I didn't know I had any followers on my blog *waves*.

After
I found my followers, and one them - the lovely Fyrestorm Creations - is having a competetion. http://fyrestormcreations.blogspot.com/ Go and see her lovely work immediately! Now!

Monday, October 05, 2009

FO!


Finished Object. This is convertible from Knitty in bamboo. I'm really crappy at remembering yarn and needles and that business. I know that Rose Red did something in the same yarn a long while ago. I modified it so that it was done in two parts and grafted together to satisfy my need for symmetry. Its pretty. And its got a reasonable amount of weight in it too. Its one of the biggest projects I've completed. I love it.

Sunday, October 04, 2009

Eeew...

Someone found my blog by searching "oh oh girlxxx" (turns out it linked to when I announced I was pregnant...)
Others of interest:
* ANZAC DAY CUPCAKES
* twitchy fingers while sleeping x 800!!
* coraline craft
* clancy of the overflow poem- what is it about
* merit badges for parents
* she makes me laugh so hard
* bowl of coffee canberra
* I try to take one day at a time but several
* crush on Yul Brynner

I'm number 2 when you search for twitchy fingers. Even though there is another knitting blogger called twitchy fingers. Which irks me a little. I'm on craftster, ravelry and flickr as twitchy fingers, and while I don't own the term, I feel a little miffed that someone else didn't google the term before starting a blog with the same name. Anyone had a similar experience?

Anyhoo, I feel sorry for the people who come looking for help with irritating sleep conditions who end up at my blog. Perhaps I should add some links to the sidebar to assist those folk???

I also checked by old bloglines account the other day. It has 45 feeds. I've not read it since December last year. And there are 5086 unread posts. So if i'd have read those and it took me an average of 20 seconds (this excludes any 'clicking away' posts) then it would have been about 1525 minutes. Or 25 hours. If you assume between 30-60 seconds then its 42-84 hours. So I could potentially have spent between one and four days just on blogs. Wowee. No self-judgement on this - i'd have enjoyed those four days. It just seems like an awfully. long. time. to have been on the interwebs.


http://www.ac-nancy-metz.fr/enseign/anglais/Henry/internet_addiction2.jpg

and if you think you suffer similarly - http://www.netaddiction.com/resources/internet_addiction_test.htm