Livin' the dream

I'm livin' the dream people. That is, if you dream is to be kept perpetually sleepless and has lots of screaming and whinging and snot in it.... Attend:


Scene 1.
1am.
A couple lay asleep.
Footsteps.
A whisper.
"Mummy, can I get in bed with you?"
"wha mumby grunt" (trans: "whatever." )
Sleep.

Scene 2.
2am.
Couple are squeezed into a space approximately 50cm wide.
Small child is spreadeagle on remaining part of the bed.
Mummy is in the middle.
Mummy is not happy.
Mummy can't move or breathe.
"moof farken ooout!" (trans: Husband, can you please go and sleep in small child's room.)
Shoving.
Footsteps.
Sleep.

Scene 3
3am
"Mummy, i need to do a wee"
"orf an weeing" (trans: off you go then lovey)
Sleep

Scene 4
3.05am
Light on in ensuite.
Small child absent from bed.
"waddayadoin?"
"Nothing"
Suspicion rises, but is beaten by sleep.

Scene 5
3.30am
Light on in ensuite.
Small child still absent from bed.
Mummy sits upright.
"Are you alright?"
"Yes, Mummy"
Mummy lays back down.
"Ok then, well come to bed."
"OK Mummy. I'll just pack up"
Mummy sits up.
"Pack up what..."
Mummy out of bed.
Mummy has a quick glance at the clock and realises time. And that child has been up for 30 mins.
Small child sitting on the ensuite floor pretending small water balloons are at school.
Mummy loses it.
"whart farking Arghing blubbing! 3.30 in the morning!!! Jebbing bubling pfiffing!! Get. To. Bed."
Tossing. Turning. Whinging. Tears. Snot. Tissues. Boggie men. For one and a half hours.

5am
Finally sleep.

Happy 'Strailya Day!

A bit of 'cultcha' for you.. From Banjo Paterson

Weary Will

The strongest creature for his size
But least equipped for combat
That dwells beneath Australian skies
Is Weary Will the Wombat.

He digs his homestead underground,
He's neither shrewd nor clever;
For kangaroos can leap and bound
But wombats dig forever.

The boundary rider's netting fence
Excites his irritation;
It is to his untutored sense
His pet abomination.

And when to pass it he desires,
Upon his task he'll centre
And dig a hole beneath the wires
Through which the dingoes enter.

And when to block the hole they strain
With logs and stones and rubble,
Bill Wombat digs it out again
Without the slightest trouble.

The boundary rider bows to fate,
Admits he's made a blunder
And rigs a little swinging gate
To let Bill Wombat under

So most contentedly he goes
Between his haunt and burrow:
He does the only thing he knows,
And does it very thorough.

Clearing

This evening I've been working on an analogy. Creating analogies is a pastime of mine. Poor Nath often walks in from another room only to have me pounce on him (not in a good way) and say "You know, [insert current bugbear] is like [insert witty analogy, although more often a long and rambling mixture of words and emotions], don't you think?" He always agrees, but I think its more fear and a desire to get away... Anyhoo. Tonight I will share my analogy with you all. Because you need to hear more about MDD. So it goes like this...

You're at the top of a mountain. Its taken you every ounce of energy you have to get to the top of the mountain. There are other people there with you and you are all looking out at the most breathtakingly beautiful view imaginable. Everyone else seems to be enjoying the experience. They think you are too because you're saying all the right things and smiling. You know its beautiful. And you've struggled to get up there (you tripped over a branch root and landed on your arse. You sat and cried until some others helped you up). You know you're amazingly lucky to be seeing it. But. The wind is so loud and so strong that it seems to be filling your head. And its cold. And its overcast. So while you can appreciate that the view is great, there is so much else going on that you can't really see it.

Then you take some lovely [prescription] drugs.*


And the wind dies down, the sun comes out a little and it begins to warm up. You can see more detail in the view below, and the people around you. You begin to hear the birds and noises of nature. You can think and feel again. You can take in the whole picture and see what everyone else has been seeing. On the way back down the mountain you trip over a rock - and its no big deal. Just a little stumble. You get up, brush yourself off and keep going. Perhaps whistling Glee tunes as you go...

So that's where I am now. Its only day three, I don't want to get my hopes up too much, but the view is definitely better!




* Lets not go into the pros and cons of meds. Or the withdrawal from one med, the anguish of the days post withdrawal, or the blinding headaches and insomnia that accompany the new ones.

You guys rock!

Image from here.

Thanks for all that good vibes and mojo and such.
I really, really appreciated it.

Keep holding on

One of the most frustrating things about my depression (or MDD* ^) is my inability to fix it. Its not like my drinking ie drinking makes my life unpleasant, ergo if I don't drink then the unpleasantness caused by drinking goes away. I've mentioned this frustration before. I've read about my condition, I've tried yoga, relaxation, medication, homeopathy, naturopathy, psychology, psychiatry... just about everything I can do (except regular exercise - i can't manage anything regularly!).

I'm pretty exhausted to be honest. Trying to be 'normal' while looking through grey-coloured glasses puts me way behind the eight ball when it comes to dealing with all the other things in my life. And the thought of having to keep doing it for the rest of my life makes me feel desolate. So cross your fingers for me. I'm hoping that my new prescription of an SNRI will help.

My husband and my kids are what keep me trying. If not for them I'd be in a cupboard with a cask of wine right now. Instead I spent a blissful 10 minutes with the four of us dancing and singing to Glee. Those 10 minutes were worth trying for.

(from http://evenwhenyouresad.com/?p=19 - and here)



* I get the feeling sometimes that one can't truly be sick without an acronym or a wikipedia reference - this has both!
^ I'm a Canberran and public servant - I don't feel comfortable with a concept until it has an acronym!

Work

Being back at work sucks. That is all.

I'm rich!

I'm the 44,662,751 richest person on earth! Discover how rich you are! >>

Are you? For 10 years I've sponsored World Vision kids* based on the premise that its such small change for me for big change somewhere else (man I sound like an ad). This puts it in perspective....


* We've sponsored three Brazilian youngsters and one was called Michael Jackson - I kid you not. And not too long ago we were told that Michael no longer needed our assistance. Around the same time as Michael Jackson, singer died. Coincidence? I think not...

Twitchy?

Have you ever checked out your stat counter? Ever looked at the google search terms that lead people to your blog? I've done it a couple of times (blogged here) and have always felt sorry for the poor folk who went looking for some information on how to control errant twitchy fingers and got stuck with my ravings... Here are some recent searches...

• twitchy (fingers, causes of etc)
• twitchy stitch logos
• twichety fingers (only three hits come up when you search that!!! And I'm one of them!! Don't know why that excites me... )
  
• sans clothes (referred to an image I had of some old-style barbies)
• Knitting in literature
• Mother's Day bags
• Twitchy number 1
• Knitty Topaz
• this is as good as it gets

Also still get the odd hit from the old Front Debacle of 08 on Riot Act.

I don't have any pictures to accompany this post so I'll add this one of some FO's from last year. (And because I promised images of FO's last post and didn't deliver. Cos that's what I do - promise and fail to come through. Cos I can. Cos its my blog.)

Um.

I know it's traditional for us craft bloggers to do a bit of a round up of what we did in the past year. And believe me, I want to. But it seems I did very little this year. Not to say that that is a bad thing (I'm battling the 'pathological critic' here) but given that I went to Brown Owls 9 times I probably should have at least 9 partially completed things... I do have some things and they are below. Most of them were never blogged properly anyway. But sheez. I'm seeing a pattern here people. Let me illustrate:


So. A very blunt tool - but more drinking and depression = less blogging and crafting. What do you think my new years resolution should be???